I've come a long way from repeatedly dissecting the "transcript" of what happened. But occasionally my thoughts drift back to the calm before the storm.
As I writer, it's hard to turn off my mental editing tools. I love to play with words and rework them in just the right combinations. Admittedly, I've even rewritten Andrew's story in my head--trying out several different endings, all of which I perceive as "happy." None of which resemble what actually happened.
Recently, I came across something that's helped ease my urge to edit. A friend, whose blog I read faithfully, recalled the words of Dr. James Boice--the former pastor of the church where Eric and I met. He'd died before we started attending, but his legacy is still strong there. A few days after learning he had liver cancer (and 8 weeks before he died) he posed the question:
"If God does something in your life, would you change it? If you'd change it, you'd make it worse. It wouldn't be as good. So that's the way we want to accept it and move forward, and who knows what God will do?"
Do I still daydream about what it would be like to kiss Andrew's forehead, give him a bath, or watch him in the mix of a wrestling match between his brother and sister? Absolutely.
But that doesn't mean I've lost trust in the author of the universe to make good of Andrew's--or any--story. He may not choose the same ending I'd hoped for, but somehow He'll make it even better.
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