A New Day

As with any trial, there are good days and bad. Yesterday was the latter. We started thinking about how we will memorialize Drew after the boys are born, which put me on an emotional downward spiral. And after my visitors left, I felt like I'd truly hit rock bottom. Not only was I sad and lonely, but worried that the hope that had sustained me thus far was slipping away. My Polyanna gladness was feeling forced and hypocritical, and I probably would have punched Haley Mills had she been spewing sunshine anywhere near me. It was a dark day, punctuated by the guilt of not feeling gratitude for everything I do have, including dear family and friends, a wonderful husband, light-of -my-life-daughter, and little Jake, still kicking and rolling around inside to make his presence known.

Thankfully, this morning came with new light and perspective. I received an email with just the words I needed to hear. It said, "Hope isn't about never feeling the effects of life, hope is about knowing that eventually the immediate roller coaster will come to and end and we'll get off better than when we entered." (Thanks Gina.)

And so, the ride continues...upside-down-loops and all. And it's OK to be real about how truly crappy it can be at times, because it in the end, it'll be worth the trip.